Choosing Agency Over Urgency: A Psychologist's Journey with Egg Freezing

"I froze my eggs after I got married. While for most it is a safety net against singleness, for me it was about control. It made me ask questions — what this choice said about me, about my marriage, and about my readiness for motherhood. As a psychologist, I could see these weren't really my fears. They were stories I'd absorbed from the world around me, not my own truth."

— Ruchika Kanwal, Clinical Psychologist and Founder of Anamkaaruh Therapy Care & Counselling

"I froze my eggs after I got married."

That sentence alone disrupts expectations. Most people assume egg freezing is what you do before you find partnership, not after. A safety net against singleness. A backup plan for the unconventional life.

But for Ruchika Kanwal, a clinical psychologist, it was about choosing agency over urgency. Here, she shares her journey in her own words.

"Freezing my eggs was not a dramatic or fear-based decision. I chose to do it after my marriage, not because something was missing, but because, as a psychologist, I deeply understand how perceived timelines can quietly turn into psychological pressure. This decision came from awareness, not anxiety, from wanting choice rather than urgency."

Narratives I Had to Unlearn

"Before the process, I noticed a familiar internal dialogue, one I often hear in therapy rooms. Questions around meaning, identity, and 'what this says about me.' Would it be misread as doubt about my marriage or hesitation about motherhood? As a psychologist, I could recognize these as socially conditioned narratives, not personal truths. Acknowledging that helped me approach the decision with emotional clarity rather than reactivity."

Staying Present, Not Spiraling

"During the process, I observed myself the way I often guide clients to: noticing sensations without letting them spiral into worst-case scenarios. Physically, there was minimal discomfort, nothing too overwhelming. Emotionally, the work was subtler. The process required patience, containment, and a willingness to stay present rather than control outcomes.

What surprised me most was how grounding the experience felt. I often speak about how proactive decision-making can reduce anticipatory anxiety. Living it confirmed that."

Relief, Not Certainty

"Afterwards, what emerged was relief, not certainty. And that distinction matters. Certainty feeds rigidity, relief allows flexibility.

What was harder than I expected was holding a nuanced truth: egg freezing is not an insurance policy. Accepting uncertainty without panic is a sign of emotional maturity, not failure. Sitting with that ambiguity was perhaps the most meaningful work of the process.

What I wish I had known earlier, and what I now tell clients, is that reproductive choices are not reflections of relationship stability or commitment. They are health decisions. And health decisions, when made with awareness, can be deeply calming."

To Women Considering This Path

"To women considering egg freezing: Check in not just with your doctor but with your nervous system. Ask yourself whether the decision is coming from pressure or preparedness. There is no gold standard timeline. Whether you are married, partnered, or single, what matters most is that your choice is informed, embodied, and emotionally grounded.

This is not about delaying life. It's about living it with less internal urgency and more agency."

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As told to the Egg Preservation Institute of Asia.